I lost control!!!!!!

One of my tutorial classes had changed its time due to the students are always sleepy in class ( which was scheduled on mon and thursday 4pm).
Their father discussed with me about the new tutorial time during the monday class, and for this week i hv to teach them on Wed instead of thursday..

Maybe a lot of things happened recently until i totally forgotten about it, even though i've written it down on my diary.
Then around 4:20, the father called and reminded me about the tution, i was shocked until i jumped out of my chair and uttered
"SHIT"......and the father remained silence for 2 sec....
so embarassing....
i feel like wana bury myself within that few minutes...
as a TEACHER how can i SWEAR in front of my student's parent????????????
And i dun even allow my student to swear the same word in front of me..
What i bad image had i given to the parent.
What a bad example i am to my students.

I never lose control of my emotion in front of my customer,
Haiz...really pai seh tao~~~hope the father wont fire me bcos of that....=.=

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These few weeks really lots of things happened,
Within these 2 months i've been visiting hospital more than i visit shopping malls,
Today my uncle was discharged but my grams was admitted
Haiz...
Everything seems going on the wrong way,
but no matter what, life goes on.
I can see that mummy and auntie are very worried and scared about grams,
I bet she herself too are scared to lose her toe,
For me, maybe i'm too immune to have any feeling or maybe i already locked myself from feeling depressed over this kinda things.

I had enough of worrying and frighthening and sleepless night when i know that i'm goin to hv 2 uncles that will never recover from their sickness and that they might be my largest burden in future.

So I guess I've used up all my quotas when i was 18,19 or 20....
What i know now is saddess wont ease any pain nor make ur new tougher life easier
I've grown to be stronger day by day.

I'll just do what i need to do when i need to do it,
When they are sick i need to take good care of them,
without thinking about anything but just..
hope
hope that they can get well soon..

All this while the only thing that i can do is hope,
Maybe thats the reason why religions exist,
Cause hope is the only thing that keep us moving,
and always hoping for a better tomorrow,
i always tell myself, maybe i'll get a better life when i reach 30's or 40's..
just keep on hoping cause u'll never know how the future shapes itself

Ohhh...i made my life sounds more pathetic than it does... >.<
Huh...better stop here... ^_^

Hope that my ah ma can be as healthy as she used to be in no time